my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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