he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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