dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
