giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
