I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
