wat bout pragnant strippers??
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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