I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
