Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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