Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
