Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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