you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
