12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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