Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
