No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
