He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
