The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
