Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
