Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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