She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
