I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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