Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
