Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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