He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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