If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
