So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
