i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
