Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
