Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
