literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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