hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
