I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
