is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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