Screwed.edu
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We're too hungover to prance.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
