he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
