Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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