Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
