why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Boobs are out for the taking
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
