somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
