Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
