Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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