woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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