Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
organizing the empties. That sober.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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