and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
