i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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