after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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