She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
