I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
