Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
