Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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