Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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