A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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