I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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