I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
